Baby Joy: 9 weeks 3 days

I keep getting told to start a journal on my pregnancy so I finally started one. Well, I hope a blog counts as well. To catch you up, I found out I was pregnant the day I missed my period. I caught an extremely bad cold the week prior to this happening, which even made me call in to work.. (That was my first time ever calling in to work.) I was lifeless. I literally stayed on the couch for a week straight; it was awful. So Saturday morning comes along, and my period didn't arrive. (I usually get my period in the morning time.) I bought a test without even thinking there was a chance of me being pregnant. So when it came out positive, I was in shock! I couldn't speak, or react, or really anything. Just kind of sat there and stared at it, literally. I called my mom first, then my boyfriend. Surprisingly, they seemed a bit more excited than I was lol. I guess I was still in shock. I then took another that day, and one pretty much everyday for a week and they ALL came out positive. Yet, I was STILL in shock. I refused to believe it or get my hopes up that it was real and it come out that it wasn't. Now 5 weeks later, here I am. I have a healthy baby growing inside of me and I am bat-shit crazy with all these hormones running through me. It hasn't been easy, at all. Al though I am truly blessed not to have my head in the toilet, the nauseous, and pains, and the emotional roller coaster I'm constantly on, is exhausting. Not to mention my job probably hates me because I'm so tired all the time and all I want to do is sit down at work and do nothing. Thankfully, I'm SLOWLY but surely getting my energy back. But my hormones are making me an even more horrible person to even talk to. I'm happy one minute, then something SMALL sets me off and I turn into a psycho path. It's absolutely exhausting. 

I'll be 11 weeks on Sunday according to my LMP. But the baby still measures out 6 days behind that. Doc says hes still going with the LMP, but sometimes I stick with how my baby is growing. I don't know why they count from the first day of your last period anyways. Guess I'll never know... 

As for today...
Today was a tough one. I argued with my boyfriend all day and was just overly emotional and stressed because of it. I absolutely HATE fighting with him, especially now. He's the main person I need more than anyone, and arguing just doesn't help us at all. And it's so hard to get him to understand this pregnancy. And I know he wont understand it; he will never feel the things I feel. Yet knowing that, I still try to force him to understand it all. I can't help it. He swears I use my pregnancy as an excuse to act certain ways, but I don't. Pregnancy is no excuse for anything. But he fails to understand how my hormones affect me. And it hurts me when I flip out on him for no reason and I can't control it, but what am I to do? I have zero control on the crazy levels of hormones running through me. I would never turn into a psycho on him on purpose and blame it on my hormones. These increased levels of hormones are serious and make even the sweetest person turn into Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde. I seriously do not know what to do.. I just feel awful. But also mad at the same time, that he doesn't believe me when I tell him things. My mother tells me this is just the hard part, it gets easier. But I just don't see it. 

I love being pregnant. I love the thought of having a beautiful baby in less than 9 months. But I HATE what pregnancy does to women. And I HATE that men will never go through it because it's harder for them now to understand. 

I need my boyfriend, I need him so much it hurts. I need him in every way. Pregnant or not. And right now, we argue and disagree so much, and I'm just a freaking psycho path, that I feel so alone... 
Sorry, that was an emotional moment.

Anyways, I move to him next Thursday! Which I am SO happy and excited about. And I'm hoping this will help us some. He's lives in Hawaii for the time being. Military man. And I cannot wait to be with him and have him experience all of this with me. I would really like to find a job out there as well, because I will go crazy sitting at home doing nothing for the next 7 months or so. But we'll only have one car, his work schedule changes every freaking month, and I have no idea how my body and mind will change in the months I have left. I've read that so many women work, then so many don't. And I would love to bring in money as well so we will have two incomes to support our growing family. So we shall see! 

I'll start my belly pictures soon I guess. Probably once I get out there with him. Pretty excited to see how much I'm gonna grow! I'm actually just excited for everything. I think that's the first time I've really said that out loud. I'm excited to get HUGE lol, I'm excited for birth, and raising a child, and starting a family, and moving all over the world with my boyfriend, one day hubby; I'm just excited for everything! I didn't think I would ever be this excited about raising a child. But I definitely am! 
Well, enough of me rambling to probably no one lol, it's 1am. And even though I slept for about a total of 14 hrs today, I'm sleepy. Oh the joys of pregnancy :)